IN HER SHOES (Can You Walk In It?)

"If they did not come at you, as they did me. Wielding such intensity, capacity and ferocious diligence, please refrain from any flippant input." Chioma Onwudiwe

One of the most hurtful things I remember hearing, when I was a child. Was the phrase 'As soon as you get involved, things mess up'. Those words shot through my little bruised heart, like a heated arrow. I was already struggling, with the labels of 'being different', 'inviting strange attacks', and 'Having weird situations'. Now add to all of the above, 'the mess-up' syndrome. And you had me ready to fly, to Planet Neptune. With the intent of never coming back again, what else did you expect?

Another issue, that would have me scampering up a palm tree in record time. At least in my head, I think I climbed a tree without using my hands. My active imagination, might be a more precise explanation. Anyway, the problem was when some uncaring and clueless peer or a random and indifferent stranger. Would dish out eleven steps of managing a situation, that they could only dream of. At some point, in that inundation of counsel. I split into thirty different people, just to try out each oblivious submission. I must confess, that the results of that particular season. Became an infinite amount of personalities and a dangerously fragmented soul.

These past three years, has turned out to be an amazing time of divine healing and revelation. To get more details, get the book when it comes out. Here is what I found out, about my story: The 'mess things up' label, was actually supposed to say: "Girl, you are a phenomenal game changer!" The 'strange attacks', were a response to the phrase; "You are no ordinary simpleton Chioma!" And the next, but not necessarily the last one. Which says something about 'weird situations', simply means; "You are so uniquely and wonderfully made, you are not just in a class of your own. You are also out of this world!"

I unknowingly and unpreparedly, walked into a situation a couple of years ago. There was an antagonist in the picture and everyone else, seemingly doing fine. As soon as I inadvertently wandered in, the chief antagonist jumped on my throat (figuratively) and would not let go. Initially, I and the 'rest' wondered why the antagonist flared up so. Slandering and harassing, me at every turn. Every one considered, the evidence of kindness and care that I had shown the antagonist. Well with time eventually (a long time), we all came to find out; The antagonist, did not really want me dead. A warped conclusion, considering the 'throat grip'.

They were also dependently and desperately, living off of me. While using me and all that was mine. The original problem, that the antagonist had with me. Was that unlike the other people already around, I saw right through their charade of manipulation and captivity. Basically, my existence and entrance threatened their operation. Others did not get the onslaught of wrath, because they were either oblivious of the 'status-quo' or they were fine with it. I came, tried to fit in and somehow still managed to rock the boat.

In conclusion, it was not really her vicious attacks that got to me. It was the curious and presumptive judgments, of the quiet enablers that riled me up. Their uninformed and subtly envious admonitions, laced with unqualified and unsolicited advice. Was often, like an itch that would not go away. However, my involvement subsequently opened their eyes and eventually showed them a way out from the clutches of the antagonist. Did I get flowers or chocolates? No, not at all. But I got inspiration, for the following Sonnet. Enjoy and have a good one! Thanks for letting me vent, you are deeply appreciated.

Special Shoes A new English Sonnet, by Chioma Onwudiwe/2017

Let us not call this an impetuous whine

This cry here is about a push and bump

Have you been pulled from a destined shine

While frequently dragged into a slump

How else does one endeavor to survive

With such unique war that pursues a type

Thwarting and stealing since I’ve been alive

Yet my maker proved me without their hype

Coming through now, no time to waste

The one cast aside may now take her place

From the back to the front must haste

Only I bear what can fill my space

Futile lies the attempt to replace me

The Master’s prototype will win you see

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