(First published November 25, 2015)
They say trouble comes in threes, maybe. But I daresay dramas come in deuxs. That's French for two, for those who don't know. So there goes my story again. One happening after the other. Yes, back to back. It left me no room to breathe. And an absolutely non-existent, recovery time. Rattling episodes, piled on top of each other. Much like commuters on the #6 train, during rush hour. There I was, rapidly led from one trauma to the other. What an amazing miracle, that I did not flat-line. As always, I lived to tell. And as long as I live, I will tell. No you can't kill me. As soon as my job here is done, I will gracefully climb my spaceship and bid my loved ones adieu.
Hmmm..... So there goes the first paragraph, almost through. And yet you still wonder, what happened to her? Or maybe, you are trying to figure out. What on this bizarre planet, that I may be talking about. Well so am I. Wondering also, befuddled just as you are. Don't forget, there is strength in numbers. Sometimes there is. You wonder, I wonder and puff! A blog appears and it wrote itself.
To tell you the truth, I am not so sure anymore. What exactly, this blog is about. I have all these fuzzy images, scrambling to the surface of my brows. And I am kind of struggling, to figure out the story line. I did confide in you guys once, that I cannot think two parallel thoughts, at the same time. So do give me a moment here, while I ramble. And I promise.......
Aaahhh!! Its all coming back to me now (she sings wistfully). You see, try as I may, to mind my business. With lips sealed and all those unrealistic expectations. For just a few seconds, try to imagine my oral faculty with a lock on it. Hardly! Anyway, back to the story;
So I had my business all tied up and intact, as I held vigil. That means, I was minding it strongly. My business that is. When suddenly, along comes a very strange and uninformed mortal, who throws me off my well tailored equilibrium. How they keep finding ways to provoke and negatively stimulate my over-saturated medulla, seriously boggles my mind. But they still persist in 'bother-ville'.
So what happened?! You still ask. Pray tell, the real question should be; What has not happened, to date? For example; the grocery store still has that cobweb maze, hanging over the tuna salad counter. Its been there, for three weeks now. Dangling precariously, from the ceiling shaft. It threatens, to release its tendrils on any docile object. Then possibly create a new kind of specimen, should it drop on the counter, eventually. I for one, have sworn of fish already, thank you very much. Then there is that mildew-laced grim faced skull, with candy wraps in its eyeball socket. Hidden behind, the street garbage can. You know the one I am talking about. I know some of you have walked past it, pretending not to notice. Well I did notice and that is why we are having this discussion, right now. By the way, whose head is it anyway? Don't ask me, I dwell in the land of the living. But if you must know, call 1-800-DEAD-END.
So what triggered my latest rant? This story, that I am about to tell you. And if it turns out to be the wrong story, we can attribute it to a misplaced memory file. One that re-surfaced, due to a fluctuation in the eastern hemisphere temperature. You know, summer, winter, then summer again. That sort of thing. Or it might be what that acquaintance said to me, last Friday. I am not sure anymore. But after we got ready to part ways and she aptly wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. That was of course, in the event that we did not get to see each other again prior to the gratitude inspired and festive event. I responded cheerily, to her greeting. Howbeit, with a greater aplomb than she could ever imagine or muster in her lifetime. Hey, after all I am the drama, queen not her.
Well, no sooner had my excitement settled. Than she turned back apologetically, to retrieve her greeting from my gladdened heart. As could be expected, my pearly whites promptly and instantly hid behind a fleshly pout. My ears stretched out and took a bow as my pupils became two straight lines. There was a battle cry in the air. Say what? My acquaintance, now went ahead to cite an unwillingness to offend me. Since it was quite possible, that I might not have liked to be wished a Happy Thanksgiving. Smack me silly. What in this sun stalking and galaxy circulating corrupt planet, was that?
Really? Really? REALLY?! These mortals have come to this. You know I could end this blog right now, without further ado. But the problem is I would end up pulling out clumps, of my beautiful thick and curly hair. Simply because, I did not get to say my piece. Or resort to sticking out my tongue at her, which ever came first. You do understand, that my having to stifle such nonsense, would only result in a massive cranial throb. An ache, that no earthly medication could cure. So I shook her hands in peaceful alliance, while brandishing a broad smile and went my merry way. NOT!! I asked her to come closer, so I could explain a thing or two to her. But she balked and stepped back. Eyes wide, like she had seen a ghost. I have been called an apparition before, but not with this reaction.
So I asked my question. My voice about twelve decibels, above a normal speaking voice. "What would you rather have said? Happy turkey day?" Let me get something straight. If you gave those squiggly creatures (They taste real good though), with the snoody-droop over their huge beaks, a day to call their own. What then will become of the geese, the turtle and the shellfish?
And how about those that chose to replace Mr. I-have-got-so-many-flaps-on-my-head-and-now-I-am too heavy-to-fly, with whatever option that does not require stuffing? What do you wish them? Happy collared-green day? Or do you take a note pad, jot down their dinner options along with the recipe. Then choose an item from the aforementioned list. To appropriately label the day, in order not to offend. Then wish them the said item, in its joyful form. For example; Happy cornbread day. I think not.
Some things are best kept simple and left unadulterated. The complexity we crave as humans, diminishes and destroys our sanity and longevity. Every waking breath, should have every living soul thankful. And I promise you, the soo-to-be-devoured turkey, had absolutely nothing to do with the living soul part. The waking breath, that is. Neither does the wooden doll, with crossed eyes.
I am thankful, that for all that could have killed me as a child, I lived. So alive, that I write you this dissertation. Scribbling, not just as a surviving adult. But as a fully living one. I am thankful, that though it is possible, that I may have snapped upstairs. At least I am not doing head-stands, on roof-tops. You should be thankful, for that too. I mean how would you feel? If you heard a loud thump, on your roof right now? (Smiley face). Just keep calm.
What are you thankful for? Go ahead and say thank you. It will not hurt a bit.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Yeah I said it. Come for me..../2015
The end of drama one? Maybe.