"If we do not nourish our bodies with filth, why then do we flourish our souls with it?" Chioma Onwudiwe
It was one of the many good and motivating auditions, which I had participated in as at the time. I got the call to come in and perform, while working on another project that I was enjoying. I was excited. And everything started out smooth and sweet, just like me. Ahem. It was not just the call back that had a trail of good vibes, that impressed me. But the directorial creatives’ abilities, to see through the hindrance of the generic and common norm. Their commendable aptness, to not only see the individuality of the performer. But to draw out the very life and expression of that uniqueness. Thereby, further providing an expository avenue for that distinctness to grow, expand and bloom. Becoming eventually, a rare talent that would flourish as it attained to its fullest performance.
I liked the directors, from hello on the phone. I am only interested in people who are interested in me. Or should I say, people who at least care to glimpse a flicker of who I am or what I am about. Those that would take the time to explore an intriguing concept, howbeit in a human form. That being said, I am not referring to a 'yes ma’am' syndrome. Or the complete absence of constructive criticism. For indeed, there exists a channel of expression for individualistic opinions. A source that could render valuable and point-filled analysis. However, from the awareness of exposure and the personal experiences of my few years gone by. I have heretofore, simply refused to be the further target, receptor and crucible for the venting of corrosive and camouflaged frustrations. Nor do I feel the need (any longer), to absolve the guilt of a purposefully careless and callous soul.
I also tenaciously reject and resist the imposed responsibility, to accept a subliminal accusation for another’s insecurities. My scars and memories, vehemently oppose such ventures these days. As always, lest every Tom, Dick, Sally or Jane jump under this umbrella of protection. Let me explain my point further. A trending and an applicable example would be; Assuming I venture to post a picture of my barely there, sparsely holding and carved-point showing lingerie self on the 'gram'. And an acutely observant social media vigilante, sees that my waxing or the lack thereof has left the globe wanting desperately. Then I have myself to blame. ‘You go carefully, or you go crying.’ (Chioma Onwudiwe). What else can I tell you? (Writer shrugs her lovely shoulders.)
But if a necessary and/or creative post, elicits an advice to re-position my gall bladder. While calling out my paternal grandfather for being too tall. (Especially if I never introduced him to the world in the first place. Though it’s kind of late now). Then I must reciprocate with an advice: ‘Thou shalt not lose the point along with your head’. Also in fairness and respect to the faithful audience. If one constantly craves attention. With an insatiable demand to be noticed, just because… Then I stand not as an advocate nor as an insurer for that victim.
Back to the audition story, lest ye get carried away. And you thought I had derailed. Anyway, the call back came quicker than I had expected. And I must say, it was as encouraging as it was exhorting. I had been selected as one of the lead singers/performers. And the head director had considered modifying his original act, to accommodate an idea he got while I performed during the audition. Splendid idea! I was excited, grateful and fully committed. And so were the organizers. Rehearsals would begin shortly after the callbacks and the days were already fixed.
There was one seemingly small and innocent expectation. I could not as a lead singer/performer, miss any rehearsals. Fair enough, I thought to myself. That supposition was right up my alley and quite easily so. I had a natural penchant for dependability and showing up. As if the director envisaged a problem, he asked that I made sure. That there would be no conflicts, with the upcoming rehearsals for the musical/dance show. I promised to do just that as I hung up the phone. Sure enough, one of the musical/dance show’s rehearsal date. Had coincided with a major fashion event, that was scheduled and booked months in advance.
When I called the musical director’s attention to that initially slight glitch, he panicked. He told me that the conflict of a day, could not be accommodated nor tolerated for the rehearsals in the long run. And that I would have to make a choice, between the rehearsal for an unpaid and yet unknown production. And a much earlier booked paying assignment of prestigious proportions. I saw the sun kiss the moon that day and it was not funny. A meteoric explosion, so to speak.
For a split second, I understood his logic and appreciated his keen interest. The musical/dance production, was potentially a big project. And he had graciously given me a lead role and further revised it, to showcase me even more. I would dedicate my utmost creativity and free time, to make it up to him. So I offered to give him an extra day, or two or three even if need be. I suggested practicing for more hours, late hours and all things legal and moral that I could conjure up. I was hereby presenting viable options, to make up for the one conflicting day of rehearsals. But they would not hear of it. It was a situation that was non-negotiable according to the musical/show organizers. And I would have to choose one show or the other.
At this point, the whole circumstance was a no brainer for me. I had exhausted every attempt, at working to meet them ¾ of the way. With me going the longer distance, or the extra mile as it were. On this position, I stood my ground and said as much. As a person of uncanny convictions and integrity. I would not take back my word of commitment to the fashion show agent. Unless of course, the occurrence of ‘an act of GOD’ and/or an emergency. The agent for the fashion show event, had asked if I would be available. And my answer had been an affirmative. So she had gone ahead to book me for a paying job. Disappointing her now, for a later arrangement. An arrangement of which the magnitude went beyond both our reconsideration, did not sit well with me. After all, like I further explained to the musical/dance show director. I would not have disappointed them, if they had been in the fashion show agent’s shoes. I would not have let them down and so close to the event too, if they were in her position.
Apparently they missed that whole rationale. Blame it on the aforementioned solar eclipse and galaxial blast. The musical director called one last time, to find out if I had changed my mind about freeing up that one rehearsal day, by not working at the fashion show event. They were working on making the musical/dance show a spectacular one. And I too was looking forward to being a part of that. However, there was no mind really, for me to change. I would try to do whatever was plausible, maybe even more demanding and time consuming. Just to make up for the rehearsal day. But I would not cancel the previously booked job, with the agent.
The musical director hung up, obviously disappointed and displeased. It was a Friday. On Monday the fashion show agent’s office called, to cancel the job that was booked a little over two months prior. No concrete or sensible reason was given. And I know that none was really available. I never called back the musical/dance show director, or the fashion agent. I saw exactly what went down. (Yeah you heard me, I saw it). Once again, like I had seen numerous times before. The ‘spirit of this age’ had taken over and all forms of goodwill, justice, honor, respect and consideration plunged south.
I did a random and close poll of what I could have done differently for a rather conducive result. And this was what got me, rather the incident itself. The results were overwhelmingly anti-honesty and ultimately selfish. “You should have never told them the truth. Just do a ‘no show’ on that day.” Was the reoccurring response. “You won’t make it by being innocent, considerate or honest in this business.” Was another popular refrain. "You cannot be real with people these days." Was another constant phrase that had me depressed for a week. Except I was entertaining, on stage or working on my craft. Authentic was all I knew to be. And this dear reader, is not even the real blog. This was merely an introduction. thank me later.
I saw a YouTube video the other day. It was artistically lovely and inspirationally satisfying. But that was not what really motivated, or should I say led me to actually write this piece. It was the numerous positive comments for the video, which got my attention. It was one of those rare moments or instances, when a wide variety of people from every conceivable expanse and sector, agreed on one thing. A majority of the commentators, recognized the artist and were also familiar with his previous work. They thought he had been under the radar for too long. A few like me were just seeing his work for the first time. And together, we all met at the junction of ‘concurrence’.
Almost everyone who had a tear duct or two, claimed to have released a few drops or torrents of the salty stream. We were moved by the lovely artistry, positive platform and inspiring message. Commentators who I assume were living breathing souls, felt uplifted, encouraged and strengthened. And in the end, there was a loud yet rhetorical echo of the fact that he was so underrated and probably not appreciated as the masses felt he should have been. Hmm…. They wondered, I wondered. While the usual snippy social media know-alls, gave a plethora of reasons and imagined scenarios of why that would have been so.
Now that is a topic that could be explored and dissected voraciously, depending on where we intend to arrive. However, if our intention is to see a positive change and a wholesome outcome. Then take this search oriented and speculative journey with me. If the artist in question or any other of such and similar disposition, were that uplifting, motivating and inspiring. Knowingly or otherwise, providing fodder for hungry hearts, tired souls and the trodden-down desperate. Then why on this arguably round earth, was he grossly underrated? Every critic, admirer or plain passer-by, could agree on his imaginative creativity and expert skill. All sides equally heralding an undaunted and unmistakable exposition of true talent. Quite evident to all that observed and encountered it. Yet still remaining stubbornly unaccredited and sparsely if at all, honored.
In a global atmosphere, where undress sells, crassness thrives, abominable occupies, total disrespect is a money maker and vileness is a staple for popularity. Why do we still crave and enjoy the fresh air that emanates from the likes of a wholesome form of entertainment. Basking comfortably in its cushion of refreshment and bowel of invigoration. Why have we, or did we ignore, stifle with an unconscious intent to dishonor such specimens. Undulating between what we need and what we are made to believe we need. Of course we all know, that for the disregarded talent to exist in such a state. There would have to be an over-hyped and overrated equivalent, to fill the empty space and gaps. What indeed precipitates the over compensation for the latter group that the former victims appear to be lacking? If indeed admirable talent and output is our compass.
This dear reader, is a question our minds must ponder and our hearts reconsider. And I know you are quite capable of this undertaking. Or should I say responsibility. Peace and all things positive.
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