This blog was previously published in December 10, 2014
SEASONAL DISCLAIMER: The following blog could be interactive. However, do not try it at home. Results may vary. If you should get in some kind of trouble for repeating these actions, do not complain, blame or 'hate' on the writer.
It is my favorite time of the year again! But like everything else, it comes with its own man-made inconveniences. Sitting in the train tunnel for hours, while the operator announces 'train traffic'. Meanwhile, you wonder where the other trains came from. Since you waited for the one you were in, for a very long time. Then if you are driving in a city like mine, snarled movements and happy-go-lucky-jay-walkers (Of which I am One). Mesmerized tourists and shoppers alike, make it almost impossible. To cover one city-block, in an hour. All these and the endless queues, make me wonder if maybe just maybe. We have missed the whole point.
Here is what transpired, on one of those waiting and delayed episodes. Witnesses accounts were inconclusive, by the writing and publishing of this timeless piece. While statements, were hyped-up for media consumption. But since I will be writing this blog and I own the surrounding terrain, this is my version of what I believe happened that fateful day....
Time dragged on and on. The air was stuffy and the crowd was loving the pandemonium. I was standing in the longest line, that I had ever been in at this store. There was no particular form or order, to what was supposed to be the queue. People were littered in and around, this lengthening human-file system. And they seemed content, to stand for hours staring at their electronic devices. And when not engrossed in their gadgets, they made small talk about who said, did or showed what in the social media circuit.
Meanwhile, I judiciously stretched my neck, to see what might be going on at the front. For the simple reason, that we had been immobile for quite some time. I noticed, that the checkout zone/area, was experiencing it's own form of mayhem. Customers had an array of goods and items, with no price or categorical tags. Also, a handful of said customers, decided to make their purchasing decisions at the check-out counter.
As these oblivious shoppers, took their very sweet time, to loudly and lackadaisically decide on commodities and budget. It was puzzling, why and what they came to the store for, in the first place. I was getting fidgety in my stagnant section of the 'snail trail'. Therefore, I started to experience the guilty pang, of loitering and wasting precious time.
Cashiers jogged back and forth, between the aisles and register area. In an obvious, yet noble attempt at price verification. Or who knows, a probable secret pleasure of the 'higher price is right'. As intentionally clueless buyers haggled, about why and what they came for. I wondered, if the simple act of making a list, was now extinct. They could have logged their intended purchases into their tablets, or rolled it into a capsule. Anything, but take the whole day to check-out purchases. While six hundred other people, waited patiently or not so patiently in my case.
The far-fetched chance, of ever arriving at that counter the same day. Became an illusion, that I was unwilling to nurse. As if things could not get any worse, than they already had. Half of the Cashier/register pool, decided to take a lunch break at the same time! Yep, dinner had just been served. They had been standing for sixteen hours. And their presently growling stomachs, would soon morph into a Grinch.
So there you have it, some of them would hiss a defensive answer. To a question I might add, that 'we the people' were too trepid or scared to ask.
Their glares also dared anyone, to protest the shortage of man-power. A fix, that would have kept things moving ever so efficiently and swiftly. It appeared one would soon find out, that the store clerk's speech. Was just as free as anyone else', should we venture to pursue the matter further.
Three days later, or what felt like it. I arrived at the checkout register district, a tad bit discombobulated. I believe this is the point, where I had a very haunting and absurd realization. I knew I had better things to do with my time and the items for purchase, were slowly losing their argument and appeal. As I stood in proximity to the checkout registers. I saw some of what might have contributed to the bedlam and stalled human traffic. There were now only two Cashiers working. One of which was staring at the ceiling, in a provoked huff. It was easy to see why, at that moment.
A customer had planted herself, in front of her register. And was indecisively, examining her items. This entitled buyer, looked like she had all the time in the world and was possibly, the only one in the store. She did provide a whole lot of entertainment though, by yapping so loudly about her business on her cell phone. A business that was better discussed hush and privately. Now 'we the by-standers,' knew that she got so drunk, the night before. And that she did not remember, how she got home. Or even worse, what home got her. Too much information if you ask me.
Well it was at this point, that I decided to get creative with my predicament. I grabbed three empty supply crates, that were lying on the floor. Piled them on top of each other and mounted. I grabbed a shampoo bottle, from a nearby shelve. This was to improvise as a microphone, as I commenced, with what witnesses will later dub, 'the crazy speech' . Though the speech lasted for all of three minutes and was not planned. It was as rhetorical, as it was random. I covered topics ranging from ornaments to chicken soup. Then I touched on 'silent nights' and suggested we all built an ark, on one of the city Avenues.
As I delivered my bumbling oratory, the long line parted like the Red Sea. And the next thing I know, I was partly ushered and partly sauntered, to the front of the line. When I got to the check-out counter, the Cashier greeted me with a beaming and very hospitable smile. Much to both our dismay though; most of the items in my basket had no price tags also! And my purchasing interest, had already waned. As he planned to make that notorious verification jog, back to the aisles. I stopped him. What was the point, of the unnecessary torture anyway? We had all collectively been through a lot, in a space of three hours.
I dropped everything and began to walk out the building. Only to be accosted, by a group of the initial queue occupiers. They had collected some loose change, in a plastic bucket and suggested I take it and get some therapy. Anyone who believed a King was born in a stable, needed major help they explained. Apparently, that had been a prominent line in my random speech.
I thanked them for the yuletide gesture. But asked them to donate the offering to my favorite charity. Which at the moment; was the Cashier who looked like she was about to strangle the woman, who placed the toddler on the counter. Which kicked the magazine rack, that fell on the Cashier's foot. Then smacked her across the face, with an empty candy jar. As candy rolled all over the floor...
I guess I did not have it so bad after all. Joy to us all indeed!! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!