WARNING: Painful Content, Readers Discretion Advised.
Story #1
An intruder tried to play fetch with the Royal Palace dog. The Royal Palace dog jumped on the intruder, and almost mauled him to death. Infact, bits of his flesh were strewn all over the ground. Blood gushed like an irrepressible dam. The dog was later arrested. During his trial, the dog was asked why he was so vicious and violent. He had been observed at various times past, by numerous witnesses, expertly playing fetch with the King and His children. The dog replied: "The King I know, His children I know. But who in the world is the intruder?".
Story #2
A woman and her friend hurriedly rushed to a plane tarmac as the final boarding announcements were being made. They attempted to barge in, when security stopped them and asked for passport and boarding pass.The woman produced a whole bunch of papers that had the Airlines logo and name on it. The Airline representative ran the papers through some scanner. The papers were so fake, that not only was there a loud beep from the scanner, but every computer within a mile radius began to vibrate and yell also.
The National Guard was called in to take the woman and her friend away, for attempting to board an aircraft without the proper paper work. it was a crime so inconceivable. As they were being dragged to a waiting unmarked car (oooh creepy). The woman protested that her numerous paper prints were identical to the Airlines' and she did not see any reason to be denied entrance. Well here is what she was told; All the Airline prints came from one computer. The computer could only accept what it had printed in the first place. (Oh goodness! These days of technology...) What became of the woman and her friend? I am not so sure, but I hear they needed a very good dentist .
Story #3
A lady was at a teller machine getting some cash. Soon after, a man came to the adjoining machine and began to pound and hit it. He then proceeded to vigorously shake the machine until it tipped over. He screamed obscenities as he belligerently kicked the same machine. This eventually set off an alarm, that alerted the cops who showed up. They put handcuffs on the man (whom we will call Dumbest) and proceeded to arrest him, when this trialogue ensued:
Dumbest: "Why don't you arrest her too!" (He angrily pointed at the lady getting ready to leave the facility)
First cop: "Why?" "She did not do anything wrong."
Dumbest: "She took some money from the ATM."
Second Cop (To Dumbest): " She got some money with her ATM card from her account with the bank"
First Cop (Still to Dumbest): "Do you have an account with the bank?"
Dumbest: "No" (Looking disgusted by the question) "but I walk by everyday and sometimes I even step inside."
First Cop: "Would you like to have an account with the bank?"
Dumbest: "Why should I?"
Second Cop: "Well, if you intend to take money out of the ATM, you will have to use a card issued to you by the bank, giving you the authority to access an account with funds in it."
Dumbest: "But she took money from the bank...." (He points accusingly at the lady)
First Cop: (Exasperated) "She took money from an account that belonged to her, funded by the fact that her Employer rewarded her for the work she did!"
At this point Dumbest starts to scuffle and jab at the handcuffs.
Second Cop: (to Dumbest) "Do you have a job sir?"
Dumbest: "For what? I don't have time for such. I prefer to have fun however and whenever I want to. Let the losers do that. I can't be doing work..."
Cops: "Well then Mr., you are under-arrest for trespassing, attempted robbery and the destruction of private property. You have the right to remain silent..."
Dumbest ended up in the same Prison as 'Rojo the Ripper'. The last we heard of him (Dumbest), 'Rojo the Ripper' broke out of his cell room and paid Dumbest a visit. The accounts of what actually happened differs. But everyone agrees to hearing bones being crushed that night and what sounded like ripping.
Poor Dumbest...
Every of the fiction above though inspired is an original work. It should in no way be altered or transfered without permission.